Priceless

We see that, regardless of the presence or absence of material success in our lives, we can be content. We can be happy and fulfilled with or without money, with or without a partner, with or without the approval of others. We’ve begun to see that God’s will for us is the ability to live with dignity, to love ourselves and others, to laugh, and to find great joy and beauty in our surroundings. Our most heartfelt longings and dreams for our lives are coming true. These priceless gifts are no longer beyond our reach. They are, in fact, the very essence of God’s will for us.

I used to think I only had to turn over the without part of the paragraph above. By turn over I mean hand off to my higher power or God. Recovery has taught me to turn over everything whether it be a promotion or demotion, she hates me or loves me, I have a lot or a little.

You see, whether I’m boasting over my million dollar deal and new ride or crying in the dark because she left, it’s all ego. Pride and self pity are exactly the same and complete opposites. One sits at one end of the ego spectrum and the other sits at the same point at the other end.

My addiction wants me to find misery, discomfort and discontent in everything. The N.A. literature states I can be content and fulfilled with or without. Stuff doesn’t make me happy or sad, it’s my perception of self that decides.

The program leads me to self acceptance, the ultimate comfort zone. The greatest gift I have received from the 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous is the understanding that I’m not perfect.

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